The Rattie Roos and Momma too!
The mood has definitely changed in my room for the first time since Maxxie passed. I’ve been having a hard time coping with her death, and my sweet little Freyja and Luna were definitely picking up on that. They weren’t playing or romping about, weren’t coming around, and were generally uninterested in anything.
I’ve slowly been coming to terms with Maxxie’s death, and last night was an epiphany for me. I’ve been reading poems about rats passing, which helped ease my inner pain. My lady also helped me out greatly last night. She listened to my telling her about the day I had to bring Max in to be put to sleep, and helped me to think of her death differently. She said to be happy for the life I gave Max, because without my rescuing her, Maxxie would have been killed a long time ago. I tried my best to give Maxxie a beautiful life, and I think I succeeded. I was telling my lady about how Maxxie rested her head on my shoulder as I cradled her against my shoulder in the exact way I cradle a human baby against my shoulder, and how when I’d touch my head against her’s or I’d kiss her head or look down to her, Max would do the same to me. My lady, Annie, said that was Maxxie’s way of telling me she loved me too, and that she was ready to go. Annie said that Maxxie “left on her own terms”, and to be happy I gave her a beautiful life.
From now on, I will celebrate Maxine’s life, and I won’t dwell on her death. She changed my life, and I will celebrate her life <3 Such a beautiful little rattie roo, my little Maxine <3
PS: Luna and Freyja are definitely feeling the positive mood change, and were romping about like their old selves again this morning <3 So thank you, my amazing, beautiful, wonderful Annie, for helping me cheer up <3 <3 I love you so much, Annie <3 <3 <3
I shake the bag of food, still waiting for Maxxie to come dashing out of one of the rattie nests, but she never comes to greet me at the door of the cage…
My beautiful, sassy, loving, spunky little girl <3
Rest in peace, Maxine Mae Anderson <3
mommy loves you… and mommy always will love you…even if I can’t see you…
My poor little girl… Maxine, you’re so full of life, yet I see it in your eyes your growing unhappiness with every passing day… Today you wouldn’t eat your favorite pasta with the other two, you wouldn’t eat much of the rattie food, but at least you ate the dog treat bit, the walnut, and the bit of macadamia nut I gave you..
I try so hard not to cry in front of Maxine, because she still has so much life in herself. I can see it in her eyes, but at other times I see a some form of weakness, worry, and some sadness. I think she gets sad when she sees my relentless weeping, and she doesn’t understand why. I know I should be taking joy for each moment I spend with my little Max, but I can’t always hold my tears back.
Every time she rolls over, falls, tumbles, and struggles to get onto the different levels of the cage, my heart breaks a little more. She won’t climb anymore, and god, she loved to climb. She’s eating more cardboard than I ever seen a rat eat. I hand feed her, I give her weight boosting foods like nuts, peanut butter, and bits of dog treats, I give her rat treats, fruit, veggies, and yogurt, all in an effort to boost her health and weight, but I know that I can’t stop the decline in her health. Whether it’s a lesion or an issue with her central nervous system, I can’t stop its progression. There’s nothing that can be done here for her, aside from being given antibiotics and anti-inflammatory medication. If she doesn’t respond to those, I’ll have to make the most painful and hardest decision I’ve yet had to make, and it’ll remain one of the most painful throughout my entire life. It’ll remain as such because this my Maxine, MY baby, my first rattie, my first rescue, my first critter all to myself, my inspiration, the reason I continued on with the rescue of Freyja and acquiring Luna. She’s the reason The Rattie Roos exists, the reason I was able to find a new place to live, and is one of the reasons I’m still alive. This little rattie is so much more than ‘just a rat’ and ‘just an animal’.
I don’t want Maxine to go, but I can’t stop life from running its course. To live is to eventually die; to die is to eventually live. I don’t want Maxine to go where I can’t follow, but I must do the most humane and loving thing to spare her from pain and suffering should her condition fall even worse. It’ll be the absolute most painful thing I’ll ever have to do, but I can take comfort in knowing that I’ll be saving her from a painful death and from suffering and agony, and I can take comfort in knowing that one day I’ll see her again. I’ll see her again, my precious, sweet little Maxine… <3
Hang in there, Maxine…
I don’t know how to do this :’( My little Maxine </3 I don’t want her to go, I don’t want to have to be the one who decides whether to put her to sleep or not, I don’t want her to be sick, I don’t want her to pass away </3 But I know that I must deal with these, because that’s how life runs its course. My heart is breaking a little more each time I see her tumble or see her eat cardboard (that is completely abnormal behavior for her).
I pick her up and just love on her, letting her know how much I love my little girl, my little Maxine. I give her pets and cuddles and kisses and snuggles, let her snuggle into my lap, let her take over my bed, eat as much as she wants, give her the best toys..
This hurts so bad. Max is more than just a pet to me - she’s my baby. She’s the therapy animal. She’s my baby and the first baby I rescued. I connected with her immediately, this small rattie that survived the neglectful, abusive shop that kept her. I promised her that I’d never let anything bad happen to her, and that I’d give her the most beautiful life, and that she’d never have to worry again. It took so long, so damn long, to help her recover and to be rehabilitated and re-socialized due to the conditions she endured.
It’s just… my baby, Max is my baby </3 This hurts so damn much </3
Maxine is fighting the last fight… I hope her medications see her through this…
My beloved girl, Maxine, I don’t want you to go; I still need you here, but if you have to go, it’s alright. I know I’ll see you again, my sweet, precious little rattie. I love you to bits, my little rattie roo <3
My little girl, my Maxine, has been acting funny lately. Her inner toe on her right hind paw had a nail bed infection, which has appeared to have healed for several weeks now. Lately, though, she has been walking funny. Her right hind paw slips out from under her as if she’s walking on ice, she can’t climb well anymore, and I have to pick her up and move her about the cage, she falls and tips over when she’s cleaning herself or itching herself, and it feels as though she has been losing weight. She used to be the heaviest rattie of my three girls, but now she is becoming the smallest in weight. Maxxie has been eating a LOT of cardboard lately, and I believe it’s an attempt to get food and nutrition. The other two will shove her out of the way or outright steal her food, OR she just won’t eat at all. I have to hand feed her, but even then she won’t eat sometimes. She’s having a lot of trouble even getting onto the levels of the cage, and the other two have been picking on her. She also had surgery on October 29th, 2012, to remove a breast tumor. Her fur has only grown back in patches, and a large bald spot remains.
I can hand feed her, I can help her move around… I’m willing to do those things to help my baby out… but will she still be happy? Will she be able to live a happy life?